


our legs aren't used to all the walking

by stephen_is_strange



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, M/M, Tsukishima Kei Has Two Moms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 11:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20965994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephen_is_strange/pseuds/stephen_is_strange
Summary: The door clicked shut softly behind Kei as Yamaguchi sat down on the edge of his bed, looking anywhere but where Kei was.He’s just nervous to be around me.He thought about how he’d been gripped by the front of his shirt, how his entire world shifted the moment he realized Yamaguchi was more than the boy he had found on the ground all those years ago.“Yama-”“No,” he interrupted, sharp and uncharacteristically cold. “Don’t pity me.”“I wasn’t going to pity you.” Kei’s voice fell far too flat. Yamaguchi saw through him.





	our legs aren't used to all the walking

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters 367-368 have just been battering me emotionally so I wrote a little thing to get it out.
> 
> Kei has two moms. One of them is referred to as mom and the other is mother.

Everything was too loud. Kei could hear the bounce of the ball as it echoed in the gym, hitting their side of the court with great finality. He could hear the smack of shoes on the floor as his teammates ran uselessly after it. The heavy thud of his heart—in his ears, against his ribs, stinging his leg—threatened to drown it all out. _Focus on yourself._ He watched his teammates.

The stands were uncharacteristically silent. Seconds ticked by like hours and Kei was forced to watch his freshman year of volleyball come to a close from the bench. He doubted he’d ever felt this powerless, had ever cared enough to feel the panic squeezing his chest tight when he realized that he wouldn’t be able to stand on the same court with the same team any longer.

His hands hurt. His eyes burned. His throat was dry.

He wanted more.

The final buzzer sounded.

They bowed, shook hands, received congratulations for playing their hardest, for getting this far. Kei never looked to his right, the greatest decoy's absence glaringly obvious even as Kageyama filled the physical space, and never looked to his left, the sure set of Yamaguchi’s shoulders making his spine bend under the weight of his failure._ Had I worked harder for longer, I would have been able to stay on the court._

When Kei went home, his parents didn’t ask whether Yamaguchi would be staying the night. Dinner was silent. His mom kept passing furtive glances to his mother, who's brow was furrowed. Kei hated being treated like glass, like he might break if they talked about volleyball._ It doesn't matter to me._ He kept thinking about every play he'd failed, every play he'd been too hesitant to commit to, and the unwavering confidence he'd had in his team when he was forced to step off the court.

Worse than his mothers’ worried expressions was Yamaguchi’s silence. It didn’t matter how frustrated, bitter, or down the other boy was; he talked all the time. He wished he could say anything to ease the tension. He wished the other boy would say something stupidly optimistic like he always did.

After they had finished eating, they excused themselves to Kei’s room. His mom had offered ice cream but Kei had turned it down, feeling far too hollow to sit in their company in the dining room any longer.

The door clicked shut softly behind Kei as Yamaguchi sat down on the edge of his bed, looking anywhere but where Kei was.He thought about how he’d been gripped by the front of his shirt, how his entire world shifted the moment he realized Yamaguchi was more than the boy he had found on the ground all those years ago.

“Yama-”

“No,” he interrupted, sharp and uncharacteristically cold. “Don’t pity me.”

“I wasn’t going to pity you.” Kei’s voice fell far too flat. Yamaguchi saw through him.

“What were you going to say then? ‘I’m sorry’? I don’t want your apology, either.”

“What the hell is your problem?” _Stop. Stop yelling. I don’t care. Yamaguchi wants more. I don’t. _He clenched his fist, palms no longer burning but the phantom feeling of a volleyball still heavy in his hand.

“What the hell is my problem? Where do you get off asking me that?”

“You’re acting like you failed. You weren’t even on the backline. You couldn’t have saved the ball.” All true. Kei knew it didn’t matter. He had reached to save it from the sidelines.

“I could have blocked it. I jumped too early.”

“Nobody is perfect.”

“Shut up, Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi looked at him then, eyes red and watery. “I know you think you’re being comforting, but you’re not. So just shut up.”

Kei hated it, hated the guilt crushing his heart into nothing and the lead that weighed down his tongue. _How dare he say that to me? Where does he get off treating me like the villain?_

He stood and stared, the clock ticking away on his desk the only sign that time hadn’t stopped altogether. He opened his mouth several times over, but nothing came out.

A tear spilled over Yamaguchi’s cheek, trailing down his cheek._ My fault. Why did I assume they would be fine without me? Without Hinata? Why did I think I could depend on them? _He remembered looking at Daichi, Nishinoya, Asahi, Tanaka, and Kageyama. He remembered how calm he felt despite their enthusiasm on and off the court, how easily they pulled him into that raucous energy.

“You don’t get to say that,” Kei finally said, horrifically inadequate and yet all that he had in him.

“Really? Well, I just did, so if it upsets you so much, I’ll just go home.” Yamaguchi pushed off the bed, taking one, two, three steps towards where Kei was still standing in the doorway.

“Why are you so upset? You knew we would lose eventually. It's inevitable.”

“I can’t want to win? I can’t hate losing? I can’t hate failing?” Yamaguchi yelled, over-loud and tears streaming down his face, but he wouldn’t touch Kei. Wouldn’t grab him and make him recognize this truth. He would leave him behind this time._ Fine by me. _He remembered how alone, how empty, he’d felt every time Yamaguchi wasn’t by his side as he walked home after practice.

“Why does this mean you failed?” Kei’s eyes burned and his throat ached. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, couldn’t even remember a time he’d been this close to tears.

“We lost! What else means failure?”

“Not trying.” A single tear slipped from Kei’s eye, hot and wet and embarrassing and yet he couldn’t look away from Yamaguchi for even a second to wipe it away.

He didn’t trust his voice to carry without cracking, so he whispered the next words. “Why does it matter if we win? Do you need something more than pride?”

Immediately, Yamaguchi’s face changed, that barely restrained anger giving way to concern. “Tsukki, you’re— why are you—?”

“Do you?” Kei insisted.

“No. I don’t.”

“Then stop crying. You timed a block wrong. It happens. Practice with me tomorrow. We’ll be better for the next game.”

“We?”

“Yes, ‘we.’ You’re a middle blocker, right?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“You’ll be on the court again. We—” Kei paused, taking a deep breath in. “I’ll need you again.”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, matching the whisper Kei hadn’t quite been able to raise above, throat still tight. “You can be sad, you know? I’ll still be here when you close your eyes.”

Kei couldn’t respond to that. He couldn’t forget how long he’d stared at his closed door and wished his brother would be there and then been mad that he even cared at all. Yamaguchi watched him, worrying at his bottom lip. Kei knew he was thinking about a boundary Kei hadn’t explicitly set but that Yamaguchi wouldn’t dare cross anyway. _Please. _Kei didn’t know what he was begging for.

Suddenly, Yamaguchi pulled him into a hug, tight and close. Kei froze, arms pinned to his side by Yamaguchi’s. He blinked blankly at him, more surprised than exasperated at the physical contact.

He tried to breathe but found the inhale choked by a sob, whole body shaking with the effort. “You’re okay,” Yamaguchi said, his tears wetting the material of Kei’s shirt, voice muffled slightly as he buried his face in Kei’s shoulder. “You’re okay.”

“I really— I tried. It hurts— bad.” His leg did hurt, ached with every dull thud of his heart. The short gasps as he cried were worse, breaking him down to nothing at all._ I failed. I said I could do it, but I can’t. And now I’m crying over a loss I saw coming. The Little Giant beats Tsukishima. Rock beats scissors. Just fundamental truths I learned as a kid._

Yamaguchi held him, rubbing slow circles between his shoulders with one hand. “I know." Yamaguchi didn't shake. Kei leaned on him too heavily and he just took the weight.

"Don't leave," Kei said.

"I won't." Kei sighed, shoulders shaking, and Yamaguchi held him tighter still. "Please don't ever think you're alone."

"When did you get so cool?" Kei asked, only half-joking.

"I learned from the best.”

"My mother?"

"Yeah, definitely," Yamaguchi said, laughing into Kei's shoulder. Kei squirmed slightly, ticklish, and found himself laughing too, wet and gross and far more genuine than he'd thought it would be.

"I think I got snot in your hair," Kei said, even though he knew he hadn't. Yamaguchi huffed before pulling away.

"I'll just use your really nice shampoo, then." His smirk was far too smug.

"You better not," Kei warned.

"Just try to stop me," Yamaguchi challenged. Kei quirked an eyebrow, briefly considering the other boy. When Yamaguchi simply stood there, Kei shoved him back a bit before dashing out the door, slamming it behind him.

"Hey!" Yamaguchi shouted, and Kei ripped the bathroom door open, closing it as quickly as he could and bracing himself against it. Before he could turn the lock into place, however, Yamaguchi slammed into the other side, opening it several inches. Kei narrowly avoided getting smacked in the head, pushing back as hard as he could as he struggled to regain his footing.

"Boys! Don't slam the doors!" his mom shouted.

"Sorry Tsukishima-san! Kei-kun's being rude!"

"Kei! You better not be!" His mother that time. Kei hesitated a moment too long at her tone of voice and Yamaguchi shoved the door open, sending Kei careening back. He caught himself on the edge of the shower, quickly snatching up the bottle of shampoo as he righted himself, holding it above his head.

"You. Can't. Have. It."

"I'm not that much shorter than you anymore," Yamaguchi said, stepping forward once. "I can definitely reach that."

"My arms are longer," Kei reasoned. "You can't reach shit." He held it high above his head.

Another step forward. "Give me. The shampoo."

"No." Another step.

"I'll only ask one more time."

"You haven't even asked once." Another step. An arm's length at best separated them.

"Fine." Yamaguchi surged forward then, attempting to snatch the bottle. Kei held it out of his reach, leaning back as the other boy crowded in on him.

"Stop! It's mine!"

"Kei! Share!" Stupid mother and her stupid good hearing.

"Yeah, Kei, share." Yamaguchi’s wink was unbearable.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi," Kei said, smiling despite how irritated he wanted to appear. Yamaguchi continued to swat uselessly at his forearm.

"I'll shut up when you let me use the shampoo. I wanna smell like…" he trailed off, squinting. "Cherry blossoms."

"You seriously didn't know the scent before looking?"

"You never let me use it!"

"You're so annoying."

"Tsukishima Kei! I hear another insult and you're grounded!" Kei grit his teeth, still holding the bottle resolutely away from Yamaguchi's reaching hand.

"I'm sorry, Yamaguchi. I won't say mean things ever again." Kei didn't think he could sound any less enthused.

"Aww, thanks Tsukki! Can I use your shampoo?"

"Ugh, fine. You're such a—” Kei cut himself off, sighing heavily. “A lovely friend, Yamaguchi. I truly do appreciate your company."

"Yay! Thank you!" Yamaguchi cheered, taking the shampoo as Kei shoved it into Yamaguchi's hand. Kei shouldered past him and went back into the kitchen.

"Change your mind about the ice cream?" his mom asked, gesturing towards the container. Kei considered the bright pink packaging.

"Yeah," he said after a moment, Yamaguchi joining him at the counter.

"Me too, Tsukishima-san," Yamaguchi said, smiling brightly. Kei remembered how reliable Yamaguchi had always been. How his simple positivity and reassurance had made Kei wake up each morning and face the day, even when he felt tired enough to collapse.

Thank you. Kei knew there were too many things to name that made him grateful for his friend. He knew that he could never repay the debt he owed him. He knew that Yamaguchi would never ask anyway, only that he kept moving forward, kept walking by his side, even if it meant trying and wanting.

\---

Kei would tell his mother later that he and Yamaguchi had simply fallen asleep on his bed before the latter could move to the spare futon. Kei suspected she knew it was hardly accidental though, as before he'd fallen asleep completely, she had come in.

"Don't take him for granted," she said, tucking the blankets closer under their chins.

She kissed his forehead, smoothing his wild hair down before leaving, shutting the door quietly behind her. Kei snuggled more comfortably in Yamaguchi’s hold and drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated <3
> 
> Title from Waste by Foster the People


End file.
